Faith

July was a busy month. I have more events to post, filled with lots of pictures, which I meant to post today....but here I am....not doing it. I just have so much on my mind lately.

Since the end of January, our life changed forever, and so have we. At first, the shock helps numb the pain. After the shock fades, you aren't so numb anymore, and it all comes flooding back. People say time heals everything, but they failed to mention how much time? Some days I feel like I'm not so strong. It's been hard to think that I'm still stuck in this part of my life, we are so very ready for the next big step in our life. It feels like it's been a long journey, it has taken us over 2 years to get to this point. It doesn't seem to be a infertility problem, I have actually gotten pregnant twice. We lost our first baby at 7 weeks, and our sweet Jason at 26 weeks. The doctor says I'm very healthly and he says nothing is wrong with me. I guess it's just a trial we have to go through. So, after everything we've been through, here we are.... right back at square one. It's not in my control, and sometimes its hard not to feel hopeless. This has been my thought process the last couple or months. For my sanity, I NEED to change. I thought I could do this healing process by myself, that eventually everything will work out. I honestly do believe my dreams will come true, and everything will work out. But with the way I've been thinking....will this make me a better person? Will I be the momma I'm suppose to be? What is the lesson I am suppose to learn from this? It's taken me 6 months to figure it out. Some things I can't control, no matter how hard I try. I need to have faith, I have to humble myself and turn to the Lord. Not say it, but do it. I can't do this myself, I need his help. I don't know why I am typing this all down, for you all to know. I guess it's not for you, it's for me. I guess it helps me, to let you know how I feel. That I am still so very sad about losing my sweet baby, that I didn't forget him and never will. That you know I believe that we will be together again, and that I won't let this trial destroy me. I want to be a good person. I've always been a shy girl, I keep to myself and don't talk a lot. I'm the kind of girl that stays on the side lines. But since everything has happened, I saw how many people love and care for us. That I am just not some girl, on the side lines that people ignore. I am loved. Thank you for caring about us. So, I guess on here...it's easier to say how much that service means to us. It helps us feel stronger and helps lead us in the right direction. I don't want to seem like I am complaining about my life. We are so very blessed and I love my life. I wouldn't take back anything that happened. I know Heavenly father has a plan for us and for our son. I am so very proud I am his momma.

Wedding Bliss

Every summer...July seems to always be one of the busiest months of the summer. This year July was a tad more busier than the normal...we had plenty of wedding planning going on! My cute little niece got married July 8, 2011. And I was a bridesmaid! We helped set up, and take down, the whole wedding, just like we did with my brothers wedding last November. It was such a great weekend, full of lots of love and laughter. The day went perfectly, and I am so happy my adorable niece got her happily ever after.

Dun, dun....ta-dunnnn !! (insert wedding tune here.)
See me over there...on the left side, I was the ONLY Bridesmaid standing up there (its a good thing to knew I wasn't what everyone was staring at :). Katie, the other bridesmaid, was also the photographer...so she was kinda busy taking all these pictures.
Yay!! for kissing the bride!
That's me...hugging the beautiful bride :)
We're just a bunch of Blondie's :) If y'all didn't know better, I could say they were mine own. Too bad their not, but at least I get to claim them as my nieces!
What a sweet little family :) The newly weds!
Us !!
My brother Mike, and sister-in-law Julieso sweet.
brother and sister
Grandpa and Grandma
The three Amiga's! I love them so much! My niece, Kaci, is just like a sister to me. We have always been close, my whole childhood is filled with sweet memories of all of us. We were always together.

The Carlos family Sisters...oh, how I LOVE them to pieces
We are...bridesmaids! Haha! He's my favorite
Can't tell we're sisters...can ya?
My brother Jeff and Vanessa, my sister-in-law and ALSO a momma to be! How exciting!
The Linford family
My favorite Aunt Connie and my dad. Love them both, so much!
Awww...to be young again....
the nephews....
the nieces.... Awww, sweet. I wasn't so sweet...I stuffed that cake up Ryan's nose!
Another Momma-to-be! More excitment!! (Something must be in the water...I need some of that water!!!)
Almost....the whole family.
My cute mom and dad. They are the best.
The bubble send-off! Look how happy they are! Makes me so happy.
It was a beautiful day....exactly how weddings should be! I love weddings, it's a great way to celebrate the starting of a new family with lots of love. Gee, in less than a year, I've helped plan two whole weddings....I think I could be a wedding planner. haha! I can dream...right. Who knows, maybe one day :)

Enduring to the end...

This summer has flown by too quickly, it's going to be gone before I even know it. It kinda feels like it's all been one big blur, like my life is just speeding on by...and I am standing still. This summer feels different than any other, it's not as easy and carefree. I try not to daydream of what could of been...but that's easier said, than done. Our lives would of been so different, but I'm still in the same spot I was last year. Some days it's hard to remember the simple joys of life. But...we are still trying, with everything we got, to enjoy life. We just have to keep moving forward...and I hope soon, Heavenly Father well bless us. I just have to remember, it's on the Lords time, not mine. (But that patience is a killer.)

We just have to endure.

"Peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high..."

"Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever."

My dreams will come true (I HAVE to keep reminding myself that over and over)...but until then, I am really trying to remember today's blessings. One day at a time...

So, some of our happy moments this month include celebrating the 4th of July. This holiday is one of my favorites...it's filled with family, bbq's, watermelon, boating, and fireworks!

I'd consider myself a very traditional girl...I love anything that reminds me of my childhood. Every year since I can even remember, on the 4th...we go to a family reunion on my mom's side. We always eat the same thing, at the same time, at the same place. And we're always with the same people, but that's the best part...cause it's my cute family. I always love to be with them.


My beautiful sisters....



The kids always go swimming after lunch. As you can see...they can't wait to get in that pool! When I was little, we did the same thing...wait and wait to go swimming. I swear...it always took the grow-ups for-evvvver to get ready.
That night, we hung out with my brother and had a bbq on the boat. Never done that before...but totally want to do that again!
Love that sunset, but love that Ryan more.
The parents-to-be

I adore him.
It was such a fun night. I love fireworks...and watching them from the boat was an experience I hope to do again. We got to see 2 different firework shows from the boat, and tons of other boaters shot up their own fireworks as well.

July was a busy month...my niece got married, a new nephew was added to our family, and Pioneer days! So, there is more post to come...