I miss you, Florida!

Wow, it's been forever. But hey, better late than never, right! Waaaay back, in January, we went on a trip to Florida. The weather was perfect! It was between 70-80 degrees. But the company was even better than perfect! We went with Ryan's parents and the Franklins, who has a time share in Florida. We are so grateful that they invited us to come along, we had such a blast!

It's hard not to catch some Zzzz's on a 3 hour flight.
We got to our Hotel late that night, so about all we did was get some pizza and went straight to bed. The next day was Sunday, a warm sunny Sunday at that! We enjoyed the whole day hanging around our amazing Hotel.
Oh, what memories we made at this pool!

Of course, Ryan had to check out the weight room....even on vacation.

That Sunday was also my father-in-laws Birthday! A very nice guy made a lovely Mickey Mouse hat just for him, in celebration of his birthday :)

Happy Birthday to the greatest dad! We sure love you!

Our hotel, like I said, was amazing. It had TWO floors. Fancy, huh!

It says: U + GOD = :)

It's true! So very True!

The next day, Monday, we went to Discovery Cove. This place is AMAZING! So, so, soooo Fun! Did you get that, SOOOOO FUN!! Out of all the fun days we had, this day was my favorite.

It's a armadillo! It's so cute! Look at that cute pink nose.

Discovery Cove has so much to do! There's snorkeling with the fishes, floating down the lazy river, and even a all you can eat buffet! You can even swim with the dolphins, which I so wanted to do. But when it cost $200.00 a person, we decided not to. Dang it! Next time....I hope. Then I can finally cross it off my bucket list.

Ryan, you Oinker! Okay, okay.... half of that food is mine. Who doesn't go a little crazy when it's all you can eat, just saying.

We snorkeled with Stingrays and Manta Rays, which were seriously huge. Kinda scary, really! haha! I was so scared I was going to step on one!

Floating down the lazy river.

It's me!

We also met a Sloth. They are so funny looking, and stinky smelling too.

Discovery Cove also had a bird Aviary. Birds are everywhere. And they land wherever they want to!

The Birdies loved Ryan. But who doesn't :)

Look at this little guy. He really liked us.

Like father, like son.

The end of the day was sad, I didn't want to leave!

I saw this exact same dude last time! We went to Florida in 2009, and drove past this same car back then too! What a weirdo!

On Tuesday, we went to Aquatica, which is Sea Worlds water park.

I really didn't take a lot of pictures that day, I guess I was too busy playing.

On Wednesday, we went to Sea World. That day was the coldest day out of the whole trip. It rained and we froze. So we only spent half the day there.

I was proud of my mid-action shot :)

Silly Seals...

Cutest Paige.

I want a pet dolphin, that's all I ask.

Manta Rays are so slimy feeling...

We went to Busch Gardens on Thursday. I didn't know that it was half a z00! We only had one day to spend there, and we so needed two! There is lots to do and see!

The pet show! I really love anything to do with animals doing cute things. Man, I need to teach Ellie to do that :)

This has to be the old wise kangeroo, that watches over the others.

We got to pet kangeroos!

The Sheikra. So. Fun.

I love them so.

Can you see Ryan, back there in the gray?

Monkeys are seriously so funny to watch. That one back there, he wants to give you a kiss.

Some really cute monkeys.

And to end the trip.....this is what happened to Ryan. Oh my sweet Ryan, who is just a big kid at heart. Long story short: while swimming in the pool, he smacked his head right into a corner of the pool. Then we spent the whole night at the emerency room. So, 6 stitches later, we now have this lovely fun memory to tell. And plus, now Ryan has a matching scar with Harry Potter.

Good bye Florida. I really, really, REALLY miss you! The night we came home, it was snowing like crazy, which made me miss Florida even more!

So happy it's spring now! At least the sun is shinning more! yay!

Everyday Life

At the moment, life at our house isn't very interesting. Ok, no.....I take that back. With a husband like Ryan and one crazy pooch, life is very interesting. They keep me smiling and laughing, even on my bad days. I get the privilege to hear a new song (one that Ryan makes up as he goes) every morning. Guitar music is often heard at our house, mostly something from Metallica or Van Halen, but sometimes the Buffy theme sneaks in there. Ellie constantly carries around her new squeaky toy (Mr. Squeakers) that she loves to death. She tries to bury it (like its her treasure) in the blankets we keep by the couch. She's just like a kid, you get her a new toy, and she never leaves it. This is my life on a daily basics, besides work and working out (yes, again, but this time I'll keep it up.....I hope). But other than the little things, which really do matter, we've had to find other ways to entertain ourselves during these long cold months. You know how this time of year goes. For us, it's too cold to want to go out and play . And if we did, there isn't much going on out there anyways. So, since we hide away at home, we have recently become obsessed with this:

SUPERMAN!

Or, actually....this series:

What have I been missing?!?!

I love it! I love it!

I guess we're on some sort of a Superman kick, cause since we started watching Smallville, we've been watching the 1980's Christopher Reeves ones too. I used to watch them when I was a kid, but I didn't remember them being so cheesy.
All in all, not only is Superman super awesome, I am loving spending the time with Ryan. It's our time, where we can cuddle up and just be together. And Ellie snuggles with us too, and I love having my family all together.

And then there's Books. I am loving books lately.

When I was younger, reading wasn't my favorite. I do remember enjoying "The Baby-sitter's Club" back in 3rd grade, but after that books became boring to me. I never really read them in High School either, and when I did, it was because I had to for school. But then the Twilight series came out, and EVERYONE told me it was so good. So I read it.
And from there, I've been hooked. I've finally discovered the joy of reading! I can't believe I ever thought books were boring!

I've heard reading was a stress reliever, and it must be true. It is so nice to escape life and fall into my imaginary world. Not that I don't love my life, but an escape is much needed from time to time, cause we all know, life has it's hard moments. The Hunger Games helped me get through this last year....it was an escape. You all know I love the series and now I know I'm going to love the MOVIES! I scored tickets to the midnight premier! Whoooo-hoo! I can't even tell you how excited I am!!

Some of other books I've read recently is:
And I would recommend this book! I started reading it, thinking it was going to be weird, but quickly found out that I was wrong. It was really good. So if you are looking for a good book, this ones it!
This one was pretty good, not my most favorite, but entertaining.
Owww...this one is the latest one I finished. Loved it. But, I usually love anything to do with romance, and this one has plenty of that in it. And even better, the MOVIE comes out in March! I'll for sure be seeing that one! I love when they make books into movies. Some people don't like it, but I do. Even if I am disappointed in how it turned out, I still like to see what other people's imagination did with it.

I am getting a little bit of that cabin fever, I miss warm weather. I miss sitting on my back porch, sunbathing....while reading a book :)

If you guys have any favorite books you've read, share them with me! I need them!

Loneliest Walk.

I would like to say that in time, everything heals. But if I said that, I would be lying. But who knows....maybe a year isn't enough time? There isn't a day, where my heart doesn't ache and I long for my son. And even though it's been a year since we lost our Jason, the wound is still so fresh. Our family has been through a lot, and when looking back on it, I sometimes can't believe we've made it this far without going insane. It has been hard, extremely hard...and sometimes I ask the lord why he thinks I'm strong enough to go through this. I feel so weak, and I struggle and fall too much. We are both so emotionally worn out, it's exhausting. But, when thinking about all the events of this past year, I now realize , that we've been blessed with many tender mercies. How could I forget so easily? I feel ashamed for ever forgetting them, even in our times of despair. Those mercies is how we did it, how we made it through this year. We are not alone on this journey of ours.

A day I'll never forget was in November. It was a day that, most would think to be a sad day, but to us, it was a day filled with peace. It was the day we first saw Jason's headstone. Back in the Summer, around July, we started looking for the best place to get Jason's marker done. We did all the price matching, seeing what we could get for the best price. We didn't look too long when we found Bott's in Brigham City. The prices were the lowest and even better, the employees are amazing. Its not easy picking out a headstone for your baby, but they made the experience more bearable....they truly are good people. It wasn't a fast process, it took about 4 months to get everything done.

We wanted to make his marker special. We needed it to be special, a gift from his momma and daddy, to let him know we love him so much and want to give him everything we can on this earth. Ryan designed his headstone, putting meaningful symbols and our favorite saying on it.

During the months to November, we never got to see it, just some computer drawing of the layout of what we wanted.

In November, Botts called us and told us the headstone was done and that they had already delivered to the cemetery to be installed. We went to the cemetery the next day to see it, but it wasn't there. We then called the cemetery to see when they were installing it, but for some reason they didn't know. So we waited. Day light savings was that next Sunday, (which meant it got dark earlier) and still no word. Monday came around, and Ryan and I were both working. He called me during the day and told me the cemetery called, Jason's headstone was installed. I remember the day felt long, and my head wasn't there. We were stressed, with Daylight savings, by the time we got off work to see it, there wouldn't be any light left. Thanks to my lovely co-worker, she made sure we left as soon as the clock hit 5pm (closing time).

We rushed to Ogden, and then to the cemetery, and made it just in time. The ground was all snowy and I didn't wear the best shoes for snow, so Ryan gave me a piggy back up to the grave. This is the part I'll never forget, the instant I saw his gave, I started crying! It was like my body was filled with peace and comfort, like a burden was lifted off our shoulders. I can't even explain how comforting it was to finally get a headstone there for him. It wasn't just a empty space. We had a marker to set his flowers by, a marker to decorate for the holidays, a marker to visit for the rest of our lives. It was made just for him, from us.

We stood there hugging and crying, amazed by how beautiful his headstone turned out. It was so special, and I think our sweet Jason shared that moment with us.

Our Jason was named after his uncle, who like him, is an Angel. He was a baby too, he only lived 3 hours after he was born. The reason we named him after Ryan's big brother is yet another tender mercy, which we hold dear to our hearts. I bet, up in heaven, they are best buddies. We come from a strong family, our ancestors were amazing. It brings warmth to my heart to know they are together, and I'll be with them too, one day.
On January 29, we celebrated our sweet baby's birthday. He is now one year old.
Today, I still can't believe its been a year. A year ago was the worst day of our lives. A year ago, all our dreams for him were forced to stop. A year ago, we experienced pain and heartache we never knew existed. This January 29th wasn't like the last January 29th. To be honest, it was a good day. Much better than we anticipated. Our parents came with us to the cemetery to visit him, and we celebrated his birthday together as a family. Even Ellie came up too.
It was very snowy at the cemetery, and with all the flat headstones buried in the snow, we were afraid that finding Jason's headstone would be difficult. We always have had trouble finding it before, even without snow, so Ryan was stressing before we got there. Another small mercy happened that day. Ryan got out of the car, walked up the hill, curved to the right a bit and then just stopped. He then started shoveling the snow off the ground to see our baby's marker right in front of him. He walked directly to it. He didn't walk too far, or not close enough, but right to it. Without any help from surrounding headstones to help show him along the way, which were all buried in the first place. It sounds so small and simple, but to us, it felt much more then that.

Our forever family.

Happy Birthday to our sweet baby boy.

We miss you and love you so very much. We can't wait to see you again.

To: Jason, made especially for you, from: daddy.

My Ryan, my sweet and loving Ryan, is yet another reason of why I'm not insane. He is always there to listen to all my feelings, even if he has heard them a thousand times. When I'm feeling needy, he's always there giving me hugs and the extra attention I need. For Christmas, he got me the most perfect gift, a bracelet with beads of everything I love on it. There's a "J" and a baby bassinet with blue rhinestones for our Jason, "R" for Ryan, and a puppy paw print bead for Ellie. I just bawled when I opened it, it's so perfect. I love him so much, he is the most perfect husband and daddy.

There's a song by David Osmond, that every time I listen to, I cry. Not only because it's about the trail I'm facing in my life, but also because of the end of the song. I'm not alone and will never be alone. I'm not the only one who has gone through this pain and I know where I can turn for peace in my darkest hour.

She pushes 'L' on that old elevator door

Her heart is broken, arms are bare

The doors are closing and she's staring at the floor

There's still a piece of her up there

It seems like yesterday she saw him on the screen

Painted a room and picked out names

But now she has to leave him under big machines

To keep alive his tiny frame
She's on the way to her car but it's never felt this far

With every step she takes there's another to follow

And one more ache, one more tear to swallow

She's gotta keep moving
Forget about the bruising inside

Through the loneliest walk of her life.

He pushes up the board they've tied onto his shoulder

He bears, with dignity, disgrace

He hears the jeering and the wind is getting colder

Tastes the blood upon his face

His body bruised and back still open from the scourges

The consequence of wicked men

He knows no man on earth had ever deserved this

But still He bears it all for them

And he keeps moving up the hill to do his father's will

With each step he takes there's another to follow

And one more ache, one more tear to swallow

We all stand by and watch as the price is paid

Through the loneliest walk of his life

So we don't feel alone in the night

We can have His hand holding the light

Through the loneliest walk of our lives.

Keep pushing through this lonely walk you're going through

'Cause someone's walked this way before